...this...that...the other...

I am continually struggling with the question of God's will for my life and am I using my life to the fullest. I often feel like I am willing to do so much more but I am stuck in my comfortable life. Recently, my thoughts have been plagued with being single. "Lord, if singleness is what you have for me, can you just let me know? This way I can move on and totally give myself to You."

I realize that God doesn't work like a crystal ball, rubbing it three times and my future is all laid out and clear. And I also realize that how I live my life shouldn't be altered by this; but the truth of the matter is, it is. I keep waiting for the big revelation to happen for my life to be truly useful to God.

I believe the lie that God is most glorified if I am toiling in the midst of Africa with no possessions or laying down my life for my husband or working in the inner city. It is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that, "God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him."

How can this be? Lord, would you not be more glorified if I was toiling my life away in Your name's sake? I was reading last night in a book that mentioned that Eve's sin in the garden was that she wanted to be lord. She wanted to KNOW the knowledge of good and evil. This thought wasn't anything new but it hit me in a new way. THAT IS IT... I want to be lord. I want to know God's complete plan for my life, so that I can begin to live it. It is all about me! I don't want to trust God day by day or minute by minute. I want him to give me the map and let me then figure it out. I am praying for God to give me the apple and when He doesn't I question Him. But is it not His kindness and goodness to me not to give it to me? How am I most satisfied in Him if I don't have to depend on Him, press into Him, deepen my relationship with Him?

Oh, Lord, transform my mind. I see how worldly and sinful my thoughts are of You. Strip away the lies I am believing and may you teach me that You are most glorified when we are in relationship with you; like that of Adam and Eve before the fall. Lord, as I am tempted to take the apple, draw near.

Here are two sermons I have been listening to this week that God has used:
"Just Do Something" -Kevin DeYoung
"Let Your Passion Be Single" -John Piper