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I am struggling through disappointment. Battling my flesh and God's goodness, battling trusting God. How do I embrace suffering/disappointment? How do I rejoice in my suffering?

All weekend long, I had these lyrics running through my mind..."Let the light of your face shine down on me and let me feel it."

'And let me feel it', I need the nearness of God. I NEED to feel His nearness and love. I NEED Him!

I listened to a message by John Piper this morning, entitled "Live to Die." His text was Colossians 1:24 which says,

"Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church."

I fight every time I hear or read scripture that says that I am to rejoice in my sufferings, consider it all joy when you suffer. I want to hear there will be no sufferings. I want to hear that everything will be peachy-keen in Jesus.

Although, I know (in my head) this is not true, I battle having to embrace suffering. This word is too strong. How about put up with, endure until it is over? But to embrace? Whoa! I can't wrap my small brain around this concept. This goes against every fiber in me. I avoid affliction, suffering. I try not to cause pain to myself. In embracing, I am making the choice to do all that I have spent my life avoiding.

In Piper's message, I jotted down a few quotes that gripped me:

I pray the effect of the word would be radical obedience and a readiness to suffer for the cause of Christ. A readiness to take risks that would look foolish and be foolish if there were no resurrection from the dead...I pray that we'd be free from the vise grip of ease and comfort and safety.

We, are of all men, are most laughed at, pitied, regarded as foolish and absurd if we don't get raised from the dead after this hellish life!

Hurting is essential. God means for us to reach His people with pain, our pain. He means for those people to see Jesus, the real, crucified Jesus in our crucifixion.

We have so domesticated godliness. Read your Bible, go to church, obey the 10 Commandments. NO. The Pharisees did all of this.

Godliness is so being ravished by God. So satisfied by God. So filled with God. So driven by Jesus' way that you live in a way that the only explanation for your life is God raising you from the dead.

The cavalry road is a hard road, filled with joy. If you become as weird as Paul, who said, "I rejoice IN my sufferings."

Surely our Christian life is a good life. Paul's joy which seems to be boundless, sorrowful and yet always rejoicing! Why? Because in the midst of making painful choices Paul felt the power of the resurrection streaming directly to the pain of that choice.

You are being called to make decisions tonight, is to make some choices in the service of love that only can be explained if Christ will raise you from the dead!

...the body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still, His kingdom is forever" ( A Mighty Fortress).

I pray that I would be so ravished in God, so satisfied, so filled that I may let goods and kindred and my mortal life go for the sake of the JOY! And this is my prayer for you, too!