I haven't been able to sleep these past couple of nights. The questions of 'what am I to do with this burden God has placed on my heart: to live different, to love as He did, to see people through His eyes, to bring food and drink to those who have none, to be content with no earthly thing', runs through my head. And I lay in bed tonight with similar thoughts...
...what if God is asking me to step out in faith and be willing to forge the way alone?
...if only God brought me my husband, we could do it together.
...I feel so inadequate and helpless, what could I possibly do?
Yet, I know that I need not to get caught up looking too far ahead or I need to be satisfied in God because He is enough or in my weakness He is strong (I don't mean to be trite just honest) but I am not there.
I fear that loneliness will forever be my thorn in the flesh and it scares me so much. There is so much I want to do for Christ and give my life to but I don't want to do it alone.
I am afraid of stepping out in faith.
I am afraid of my own failures and inadequacies.
I am afraid of truly having to lean on Christ and not my own strengths or abilities.
I have found myself desperately trying to find others who share the same burden; someone 'of one heart and soul.' But in each desperate attempt, I know that only God can truly fill me.
Lord, I desperately need you to satisfy each and every longing on my soul.
Be MY all and all and lift my eyes from this earth toward You, always
remembering this is not my home but only a journey.
"I SAW THE LORD ALWAYS IN MY PRESENCE, FOR HE IS AT MY RIGHT HAND, SO THAT I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN THEREFORE MY HEART WAS GLAD AND TONGUE EXALTED; MOREOVER MY FLESH ALSO WILL LIVE IN HOPE; BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT ABANDON MY SOUL TO HADES, NOR ALLOW YOUR HOLY ONE TO UNDERGO DECAY YOU HAVE MADE KNOWN TO ME THE WAYS OF LIFE, YOU WILL MAKE ME FULL OF GLADNESS WITH YOUR PRESENCE." ACTS 2:25-28
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7 comments:
Yes, Hosanna, he will fill you and satisfy you. But the kind of burden he's put on your heart is one to be borne within the Body of Christ. It's an "equipping and sending forth burden." I'm confident he will show you one or two people who have the same burden and vision.
In the meantime, remember the story of Moses when he was about to give up --and the LORD told Moses to bring 70 men to him, and the LORD raised up those 70 men to bear Moses' burden? (Numbers 11)
I am praying for God to raise up people to share your burden, and also praying that you sleep well tonight and wake up refreshed.
I love you!
Agh, Hosanna. I am praying for you. I know well both the fears and the desire to act upon the burden as well as the frustration in not knowing how to do such.
G'mornin'! Thanks for sharing this. I will remember to keep you in my prayers. :) Glad you came last night!
Hosanna!
You are not alone.
I love you and am praying for you.
"...whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death..." Philippians 3:7-10
Keep seeking the things above where Christ is seated at the right Hand of God...
Do not worry about tomorrow...
You are worth much more than the sparrows...
Our God is in heaven; he does whatever He pleases...
Your times are in His hands...
Open your mouth wide & He will fill it...He will satisfy your soul as with fat & rich foods...
He is the Father of Lights with Whom there is no variation or shifting shadow...
Do not neglect to meet together as is the habit of some, but all the more as the day draws near...
You are the Body of Christ...we need each other.
Hope this encourages you, friend!
I appreciate your honesty, Hosanna. Since I don't know you well, I'm wondering what you're specific burdens are... but I think I can relate a bit.
I've had a burden for a few things that the Lord has put on my heart for several years. I love the church that the Lord has placed me in, but it's been very discouraging to stay through the years without seeing that desire in anyone else. For me it's been, dancing and the arts. Many have come and gone through our church feeling like there's just no place for it. I have felt the same, but whenever I feel like I could just find a place that is more accepting, I hear the Lord tell me to stay and be prepared for when his spirit moves us in that direction.
Anyway, for our 20th ann. celebration, I was asked to help out w/ some drama and choreography and I was also able to dance in our church for the first time. It definitely wasn't the exact thing that I had been praying for... but it was God's faithfulness to years of prayer. Many people were so excited to see us dancing and for the first time there were those of like-mind... people that I never knew shared a similar burden.
There are other things as well... missions, serving the poor, healing... things that continue to burden my heart. I hope this is a bit encouraging. I'll be lifting you up in prayer as I'm praying for these things in my life.
Love you hoser. I will pray for you and... we'll figure out the carrot situation soon.
Am I the only man who reads your blog? (Or am I not a man?)
You do what you can when you can; you're not old, and you can do more than you think on your own.
On a practical note, Em and I share some similar desires, and would be glad to do things with you. (Prison's probably gonna have to be out for me, I'm afraid, but I'm down with the homeless, the fatherless, the sojourner, and what have you.)
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